Ready for love
by LilyBartAndTheOthers
Summary: Sequel to Better Together.
1. Prologue

**_Lately I've been thinking maybe you're not ready for me_**  
**_Maybe you think I need to learn maturity_**

****  
And life went on slowly as their New York routine came back in a quiet motion as if they had actually never left for England; never shared all these things. But the taste of his lips nonetheless remained on hers, like the warmness of his arms and the sweetness of his smiles. She knew she had fallen for him in the most unexpected way that you could ever find on Earth but the sincere sentiment coming from her heart was spreading a whole new vision of hopes and heat over her soul. No matter she wouldn't say a word, nothing would happen; Karen's eyes would always glimmer whenever Will would be mentioned.

Exhausted by the jetlag the dark-haired woman had fallen asleep without noticing it; waking up completely disoriented. A hand rubbing her eyes she leaned up on her elbow but bumped into some uncomfortable item. It didn't last very long before she realized that her other hand had pressed the cell phone resting on the sheets. Sitting up in her bed the millionaire grabbed it then looked blankly at the screen just in time to see the small envelop disappear, substituted by the word "sent". She frowned but gasped all of a sudden as reality hit her mind; the worst of all wasn't even the latest action but the fact she didn't really know whom would receive her missive. She must have plunged into her dreams with Will's number still selected though nobody could say that her subconscious movements in the night hadn't changed the destination of the message.

She rushed in the office, breathless; unsure of what she wanted to find there but Grace hadn't arrived yet and the place was plunged in the dark, resting in silence under its owner's absence. Pushing aside the weight of her disappointment the dark-haired woman dropped her bag on the floor before observing New York through the small window of the room. Feeling the urge to fill her lungs with fresh air she bent over and went to sit down on the fire escape; her high heels clicking against the metal of the stairs. She loved the atmosphere of the city in the winter; the limpid blue of the sky and the blinding sun, joggers going up to Central Park and the strange white smoke escaping from a hole lost in the depths of the asphalt. There was nothing better for lonely souls. New York never rested and so it was easy, so easy to pretend you were busy.

Her ankle brushed the surface of a bottle, some treasure left there; just in case. She looked at the blue letters of the vodka brand but didn't take it; shaking her head to nobody in particular, to nothing special. Sighing heavily Karen turned her face and waved at Grace as her friend was entering the office. She stood up and came back inside, vaguely aware of the fact that as much as she had a New York addiction, that morning she was only missing London.

Her heart began to beat quicker for lunchtime as she turned at the corner of the street and saw him there; leaned against a brick wall. She would have loved flashing a bright smile and shouting out loud that he was the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with though for some obvious reasons like the simple rules of their existences, she restrained herself; celebrating her feelings in the quietness of her mind, mere inches away from Will. They headed to some restaurant with Grace; pretending to avoid each other's gaze while they were looking at nothing but themselves. It sounded cute but depressing; sad for being so restrictive.

"It's all in your feet and the way you look right in front of you. The rest of your body will follow naturally then; logically. And now you… Twirl!"

She laughed while nodding to Jack, clutched to the barriers of the ice-rink. Her left foot left the ground as her arms described a perfect circle in the air and the millionaire twirled around; keeping on the grace of a disconcerting balance. Grace arrived and stared in disbelief at her friend.

"Where have you learned to ice-skate like that, Karen?"

"I went to a Canadian academy when I was eight."

She turned and disappeared through the crowd, concentrated on the figure of his back, the way his scarf was hanging loosely around his neck. The wind was caressing her cheeks with strength and vitality while the singular sensation of sliding on the ice was taking her away into a smooth state of mind, passing through skaters in a subtle motion. The innocence of her feelings seemed to defy the weight of the routine and the coldness of the day but it all stopped suddenly. Her smile disappeared; she froze and felt like melting into a torrent of tears. She had just found him on the right side of the ice-rink; flirting with some guy.

She felt disarmed and terribly empty; hurt and stupid. The sound rushed on her through the speed of a skater's body but she didn't react soon enough and couldn't avoid him. Her feet slid over the ice and she fell down heavily; the palms of her hands hitting the white surface with violence. She looked around her only to realize that nobody had stopped and the one responsible of her fall was probably already too far anyway. She frowned and leaned on her ankles to stand back on her feet but a sharp pain made her clench her fists and stay on the ground; biting her lower lip.

"Karen, are you okay?"

She looked up and shook her head shyly while a sudden warmness was wrapping up her heart for being so close to Will. His hands passed around her waist as she leaned on him and they both made their way very slowly to a bench; the contact of his fingers on her skin sending a whole wave of shivers through her spine as he took off her shoes to check her injury. Her hazel eyes seemed to get lost in the contemplation of his hand on her body; the old reminiscence of those times when he still used to kiss her pale complexion in the quietness of the suite, the warmness of a bath they loved sharing. It was all over now.

She made a face while moving her tiptoes, bearing in silence the pain of such slight move in front of the flames of the fireplace. Closing her eyes she leaned her head backwards and smiled, surprised, as his lips planted a kiss on her forehead, caressing her hair softly. He sat down on the old armchair next to hers, holding her delicate hand. What if she stopped being Karen for a couple of seconds and started being herself? It wouldn't last too long; just the required time to enjoy his presence and the closeness of their hearts. The millionaire looked down before plunging her eyes in her friend's ones; she would have died for a hug, a kiss.

"I'm going to put the mansion on sale. I hate this house."

It wasn't a whim but the rage of her feelings getting mixed with the sadness of her past story with him; the need of some changes to forget everything.

"I will help you then."

"Thank you, Will."

He closed the door behind him a couple of hours later, leaving Karen and her quiet confessions; the pain of a sprained ankle and a constant heartache. Her lips moved but the sound of her voice stayed trapped in her soul. She closed her eyes and let a single tear fall down, burning the sweet despair of her heart.

_I need you to go on, Will._


	2. A couple of things and Will

**_I'd quickly give my freedom_**  
**_To be held in your captivity_**

****  
The contact with the ground was still a bit painful, like a kiss we would have broken way too soon; a subtle tension on the skin and its cold relief then. But she was dying for fresh air and the crazy whirl of a December in The Big Apple. She was missing the streets, a human touch, lost in the immensity of her house. She had kept on going to the office, having dinners at Will's and meeting them at some coffee place though her injury slowed down everything and she had stopped counting for quite a while yet how many times she had felt in the way. She was going melancholic, a bit sad for not having a soul to embrace in the magic of Christmas; nobody to share a hot chocolate with.

Fifth avenue was in turmoil in the coldness of the end of a Saturday afternoon; people coming and going, carrying on dozen of bags, laughing and smiling. Protected by the heat of her coat Karen made her way through the crowd, feeding herself with strangers' happiness; the sentiment to be cared. The diamonds were sparkling like some ice hanging on pine trees through the light of a morning when everything is still so calm; so peaceful and pure. She smiled, bewitched by the delicacy of the jewels and couldn't help but stop in front of the window stores of Tiffany's; absorbed in the contemplation of their rings. Stanley had proposed her on Christmas Eve while sliding along her pale finger emeralds and rubies. She caressed her left finger by instinct, feeling nothing but the loneliness of her skin.

She firstly thought it was an illusion but after a couple of seconds she smiled brightly at the reflection that the window was sending back at her. She turned around to face him.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm just walking around…"

"Hi Will."

Her smiled vanished furtively but the dark-haired woman nonetheless managed to keep on a brave face in front of the ice-rink guy's unexpected arrival. She noticed absolutely nothing but the way his hand was resting on Will's arm as she used to do once. His name was David and she couldn't have said more about him because as a matter of fact she stopped listening to Will; vaguely disgusted by the movements of her heart.

It looked like everybody was on a date lately; all her friends but her. She usually didn't care about this kind of thing, though she wished she could have drawn a line under their story as quickly as Will had got it. The spell of Christmas broke down into pieces all of a sudden and she came back to her penthouse in silence; spending the evening crying in the darkness of the library.

"This guy is the man of my life. It's as simple as that. He has the most amazing blue eyes that I ever happened to see and if it weren't for this strange language he speaks…"

"He's German, Jack."

"I know that, Grace. Thank you… Anyway, we're all invited tonight at a big party at his place so show up with anyone you want. Karen you can come with Rosie."  
Trying to ignore the involuntary sharpness of such remark the millionaire simply arrived on her own at some loft in The Village; the music sounded way too loud as soon as she entered the immense flat, a German band playing somewhere in the background. Her hazel eyes looked blankly at the place decorated with this typical emptiness that artists seemed to love so much but that finally only resulted cold and extremely common; a lack of creativity. She bent her head over, narrowing her gaze under the pale lights; unable to say how big this flat could be. It looked like a labyrinth; a huge and old fabric.

The hours flew away at the same time as the atmosphere became oppressive and hot but Karen had to recognize that she was enjoying it. Jack didn't stop chatting up with his German lover outrageously for the dark-haired woman's highest pleasure; and just to forget that David was also here, with Will.

"Karen is in love!"

Grace burst out laughing before staring in disbelief at Jack, a glass of wine in her hands; then shook her head. She looked at the millionaire who was talking to some girl on a sofa, sipping a bottle of vodka.

"Why are you saying that? Did she tell you something? Is she dating someone?"

Jack shrugged and leaned over to speak louder over the music.

"She doesn't stop daydreaming. We should investigate some time."

She yawned, stepping out of the bathroom; looking blankly at the floor then bumped into somebody. A hand on his chest she smiled before locking her eyes with Will's; surprised and bitter before their reality, but nonetheless charmed by all those accidents that only led to him. Her features lost the slightest sign of life, the latest sensation that was moving her soul and they stayed still in the middle of the crowd that was dancing. Her heart was beating too loud unless it was just the music; bumping against her chest. But time got suspended without any warning over their multicolored faces lit up by thousands of spotlights and she plunged into a world of silence as his breath came to rest on her lips and they kissed. Leaned against the wall on the other side of the room Grace frowned, leaning over as she saw a well-known figure sharing a kiss with someone. It wasn't David who was actually a few steps away from her and the other one looked like a woman; a bit like Karen somehow. Her date grabbed her waist and she forgot about the mysterious vision that she had witnessed through the crowd of guests jumping up and down on the German rock songs. It was probably all in her head and some dizzy trick caused by alcohol; she was way too intoxicated.

They could have made love on the floor in the middle of the crowd and still passed completely unnoticed in the darkness of the loft but they simply left as their desires were taking control of their brains; leaving everything behind, everyone. They stepped onto the sidewalk, taken aback by the sudden coldness and the snow that was falling now in the quiet streets of New York; contrasting with the loud beats of the party still in full swing in the old building. Her fingers were playing with his; caressing his skin with sensuality and need. The cab vanished under the realization of their hearts; the way they were missing each other in spite of their efforts to put it all aside. Karen gave a direction to the driver, somewhere in The Upper West Side. Will frowned but the heat of the millionaire's body was way too tempting to focalize on some words and his hand plunged in the depths of her inner thigh; brushing softly the fabric of her skirt.

It wasn't a hotel but the attic of a townhouse just a few streets away from his own flat on Riverside Drive. Staring with curiosity at Karen who was taking out a key from her purse to open the door of the quiet place, the attorney opted for silence and followed his friend inside; waiting for an explanation. He turned the lights on though the room remained in the dark; Karen's giggle piercing the night.

"There's no electricity yet."

He narrowed his brown eyes, losing the woman's figure in the darkness until the flame of a candle that she lighted all of a sudden, squatted down on the floor, revealed the grace of her features and the uniqueness of her smile. She came closer to him, motioning the room. The place was empty, the wooden floor glimmering under the moon and the stars while a fireplace was on a side, opposite a counter and a small kitchen behind. It was atypical but extremely personal and friendly; so warm even in the dark. She took his hand and made a step forward, pointing at a door before heading to some stairs hidden by a wall.

"There's a bathroom there and… Come on!"

They went up, leaving the large living room and its exposed beams; its attic windows.

"You won't believe it, Will."

They reached a small and narrow corridor leading to three identical doors.

"These are three bedrooms; one of them has an ensuite bathroom. They're small but lovely and…"

She opened the last door, heading straight to the French window; lighting up a large terrace with the candle, spread before them.

"They added this part of the house on the roof and kept some place for a terrace. It's like a small garden."

She turned around and plunged her hazel eyes into his brown gaze, breathing loud under her own excitement; her sincere happiness. She passed her tongue over lips, raising her eyebrows then grabbed his hand after having put down on the floor the red candle.

"So what do you think about it? I bought it this afternoon. I know I should have waited and all but… I fell for it as soon as I saw it."

The double meaning of her last sentence hit her mind before hurting her heart and she looked aside, lowering her voice to prevent from crying.

"And it's not a whim, Will."

His fingers brushed her chin before his lips captured her mouth in a sweet and deep kiss. It didn't take very long to let their instincts guide them down on a lonely mattress probably left by the previous owner and even though they weren't at The Ritz, Karen smiled under Will's caresses and how everything tasted of London and the magic of this city.

The pale light of the day woke him up and he opened his eyes slowly; turning on his side, contemplating her back vaguely wrapped into some sheets. She was leaned over the French window; looking dreamingly outside at the roofs of the other buildings, a nostalgic shade covering her gaze.

"Aren't you cold?"

Karen abandoned her wonders and shook her head, staring at Will sweetly; the pale complexion of his chest and his sleepy eyes, his messed hair. There was nothing in that room but their clothes scattered haphazardly around the mattress; and him. It was all she actually needed to keep on breathing. The dark-haired woman sighed then laid down, settling back in his arms to enjoy the softness of the first hours of the morning.


	3. Always disarmed, no matter why

**_They say "Watch what you ask for 'cause you might receive"_**  
**_But if you ask me tomorrow, I'll say the same thing_**

The heavy door got closed behind her as she went down the few steps of the stairs and headed through the mist of New York; a sweet smile on her face disappearing through her woollen scarf, hands in the pockets of her black coat. For a whole week the dark-haired woman had focalized and plunged, more or less literally, in her cardboard boxes and the decoration of her new flat; her home as she liked saying. And she was right. From the size of the rooms to the colors of the furniture it was all very far from The Upper East Side penthouse. Against all expectations unless it was too evident and so discarded right away, Karen had concentrated all her efforts on the warm atmosphere that wrapped you up all of a sudden as soon as you came in; as if the millionaire had been looking for nothing but a family spirit.

A few things still had to be installed and arranged though the extreme determination she had put in her work was weighing a lot upon her shoulders and she simply took advantage of the weekend to go out; gorging herself with the life of New York and the charms of the holidays of the end of the year.

She crossed Amsterdam Avenue but kept on walking towards Central Park, the trees appearing at the end of the perfect line formed by row houses typical from the area. She looked aside, enjoying the warmness of her heart for knowing that in a couple of minutes she would find again the singularity of his gestures; the brightness of his smiles. Isn't it funny how the world can change all of a sudden through a simple kiss? A couple of seconds had been enough so that her life tipped over and adopted a whole different perspective. And it was all about Will, now; just him.

They hadn't shared any other night since the party in The Village; had barely seen each other as a matter of fact or at least not in the intimacy of a face-to-face and so the situation remained the same, a blurry whirl of interrogations and blank wonders. Perhaps it was the right time to ask him for an explanation, a decision; though deep inside herself the dark-haired woman was way too scared and so she simply didn't dare. Basing her hopes on illusions was more reassuring, at least for the moment. She reached the gates opposite The Museum of Natural History and stopped, looking all around for Will. Tourists and joggers were passing in front her in the monotony of a Saturday afternoon; yellow cabs and bikes sliding peacefully on the road. She closed her eyes and smiled as she felt a hand grabbing her waist, holding her with a sweet discretion.

"Are you ready, miss?"

Locking her hazel eyes into his brown gaze the millionaire nodded to Will, wishing nothing but leaning over to kiss him and show in public the honesty of her soul.

Her plans faded away, as much as his, under the mysterious movements of their hearts and they simply went for a walk hand in hand through The Upper West Side; rocked by the soft turmoil of the weekend and the glimmering lights of Christmas in the window stores. To be honest she had always loved spending some time with Will, even before London and their unexpected closeness. There was something about him that she couldn't deny or ignore but it required Jack and Grace's absence so that the spell may work; like now.

"You have no idea how I miss our moments."

Staring for a few seconds the brick wall of The Café Lalo and the small blackboard with its today specials Karen finally looked at her friend with a disconcerting weakness lit up by a frightening sincerity. The complicity of their gazes and the way her fingers were caressing his would have passed for an intimate moment between two lovers for anyone; people whispering their feelings over a cappuccino in the bewitching brouhaha of the place. But appearances seemed to be still a bit too far from reality.

"I like when you take care of me."

Feeling the blush invading her cheeks the millionaire shrugged in an awkward motion of apologies then concentrated on the series of old decorative art posters hung behind Will. She hadn't gone so far in her confessions with him; about the waves of emotions that kept her heart alive, especially since such uncertainty reigned all over her life, their story.

"I don't want it to cease either, Karen."

It hit her mind all of a sudden and she looked back at him, narrowing her eyes. Since the day she had woken up and pressed by inadvertence her cell phone the millionaire hadn't been able to know who had received her personal message. She swallowed hard, relieved somehow but even more scared before his last reply; the meaning of his words. A veil of incomprehension took possession of her mind and she shook her head in disbelief.

"Why didn't you tell me about it before? Why didn't you mention the message earlier?"

"You didn't do it either."

"But… And what about…"

She could have recognized his hand anywhere; the way he touched Will's shoulder or arm as soon as they were together. She looked up and smiled weakly at David; dropping the attorney's hand quickly, settling further on her seat, far from Will.

"Are you ready, Will? I hope I didn't interrupt you two or something. It's almost 7pm and if we want to arrive there on time…"

The attorney nodded, looking down in silence; avoiding Karen's gaze and her blank face. Clearing his voice he offered the dark-haired woman to come with them to the movies but she knew perfectly that it was pure politeness and so she refused; pretending that anyway it was late and she still had a lot to do. They headed outside in the coldness of the evening before taking different paths, getting lost into the crowd.

She was at last reaching the door of her townhouse, ready to burst into tears in the anonymity of her flat when Grace appeared at the corner of the street, carrying on a bag from Zabar's. Karen swallowed back her pain and smiled at her friend, holding the door open to let her come in. The red-haired woman rushed in the lobby.

"I have cheese, bread and three bottles of wine. How about an evening between girls? You worked a lot on your house this week so you deserve a break now!"

She dropped her purse on the white linen sofa as Grace headed straight to the kitchen to grab glasses and a couple of plates. Her eyes were burning and her throat prevented her from filling her lungs properly. She had to go away, it was becoming oppressive.

"I'll be right back."

She went upstairs quickly, hiding her wet eyes with her hair. She had always hated being so weak. Alone in her bedroom, sat on the edge of the mattress and looking blankly at the dark sky through the French windows Karen lost the slightest notion of time. If it weren't her regular breathing she seemed to be lifeless; way too still.

"Karen do you have…"

Grace poked her head inside but stopped talking and moved forward slowly; a weird feeling of despair invading her brain, a note of sadness coming from her friend.

"Karen, are you okay?"

The contact had been soft, almost imperceptible though it had been enough to make the millionaire cross the limits and burst into tears disarmingly as Grace had put a hand on her shoulder; vaguely shaking.

"Hey… Don't cry like that… I'm here. I'm here."

The red-haired woman squatted down in front of Karen before passing her arms around her friend's body; hugging her tight. They didn't move until the cries began to vanish, fading into soft sobs. Sweeping away a strand of black hair from the millionaire's face Grace plunged her eyes in hers in a honest motion.

"What's happening?"

Karen shrugged; bitter lies coming to her lips, ridiculous ones though it was all she could say as a matter of fact.

"I forgot to buy a Christmas tree."


	4. I bless your heart

**_I promise I won't complain_**  
**_I just need you to acknowledge I am here_**

****  
"Just tell me why, Karen. Tell me what's happening. You need some help and as a friend it's exactly the reason why I'm here."

Her hand froze on the red tinsel, the sudden joy brought by the decoration of the Christmas tree disappearing under her friend's statement; a harsh reality. Her black hair followed the fluid movement of her head as she turned around to face Grace. A golden item had got lost between a thick strand and she looked like a princess glimmering in the immensity of her sadness. She looked down for a second before shrugging, resigned.

"I'm fine, don't be worried. It's just a matter of time and adaptation. My heart needs to be fixed."

Grace frowned, obviously confused by the remark.

"What do you mean by your heart?"

"I mean… Well, my heart, my mind, my whole life, you know! So many things have changed."

The door flew open as Jack and Will arrived, breaking down the mysterious confession of the millionaire. The red-haired woman didn't insist and let it go. She would have plenty of time later to come back to such conversation. It seemed obvious that Karen didn't want the guys to know about it.

She surprised herself as a sincere laugh escaped from her heart with a lightness she had thought lost and dead for a very long time. Passing a hand on her neck she simply smiled peacefully, observing her friends around the table; spending a smooth evening like a beloved family. Something happened then; a detail she hadn't planned at all but like the most insignificant things it weighed a lot, if not determined, all the rest. Her lips had just touched the red liquid, the smell of the wine already invading her brain when an unexpected question from Grace hit her mind; made her heart tip over.

"Is David still in town? This guy is adorable and so cute… If I didn't get anything from you perhaps I could belong to your family while marrying your cousin, Will!"

Her heart seemed to stop beating but just to set off again a second later as her hazel eyes were staring in disbelief at Grace; weighing the meanings of her comment. A furtive and useless scan of the last weeks didn't bring any explanation to what she had just heard but under the pressure of her feelings Karen simply started giggling, completely overwhelmed. Though she stopped immediately as her gaze caught Will's, asking him in silence the reason why he hadn't said a word about his connection to David. Taking a deep breath she raised her eyebrows in a gesture of curiosity.

"I didn't know he was your cousin."

"We grew up together and he was just here for a couple of weeks. I didn't have time to introduce him properly to you. I met him by accident at The Rockfeller Center the day you sprained your ankle and then… Well, I just tried to catch up some time with him before him returning to California. Anyway not a big deal, I know. But that's why I've been pretty busy lately."

The millionaire found again the quietness of her flat a couple of hours later as she closed the door behind her, turning around to face the glimmering Christmas tree and the vestiges of their dinner on the oak table next to the fireplace. Still troubled by the unexpected revelation of David's identity she nonetheless made her way to the kitchen and began to tidy up absent-mindedly; lost in her wonders. She was putting the plates on the dishwasher when a sudden noise made her look up. It had been subtle, almost imperceptible but she barely restrained a gasp as she saw him, standing on the doorframe, waiting for the sign that would set off everything.

She bit her lower lip then shook her head in disbelief. Very slowly she left the counter top, heading to him shyly.

"What are you doing here? You should be back at your place, with Grace."

"I forgot something."

"What is it?"

"I owe you a thousand kisses."

Will gently pushed the door back, clicking as it closed by itself; its noise getting lost in the brightness of their smiles when their lips made contact, the warmness of human touch mixed with love.

He settled up on his elbow, vaguely leaning over her; caressing her hair softly, his knee against hers under the white linen blanket of her bed. His brown eyes locked with her soft gaze in a peaceful motion; accompanied by some bitterness.

"I missed you so much, Karen."

A furtive and dizzy sensation ran through her whole body, touched by his confession but she simply smiled back at him; rolling on her side to wrap her legs around his waist. Her fingers passed along his cheek before coming to rest on his soft lips and she kissed him.

"I will give you a kiss for each second you spent far from me."

Will didn't go away that night. The weather seemed to have embraced the sweet confession of their hearts and the snow had fallen over New York with strength and rage; furious flakes twirling around in the darkness of the night, preventing anyone from going out and so he stayed in her arms.

She stopped by some Starbucks to buy a coffee before heading downtown lost among the crowd of a December morning. The sky was gray and as she passed by Times Square the well-known melody of some Christmas Carol came to her ears. The dark-haired woman took a deep breath, closing her eyes for a couple of seconds; charmed by the idea that someone in this town was thinking about her exactly as she did for him.

She crossed the street, smiling brightly at Grace waiting on the sidewalk. Her eyes scanned the place for a couple of seconds and it all sounded so perfect; and this typical lightness embracing our hearts when we don't feel so lonely but cared about, loved as a matter of fact.


	5. A ruby in the middle of the ice

**_If you give me half a chance I'll prove this to you_**  
**_I will be patient, kind, faithful and true_**

****  
I have a lover; I'm involved in a relationship. I like the sweet sound of this realization that at the end of the day I will be back in his arms with this sensation that it sounds right; perfect. It's exactly what it is as a matter of fact. Perhaps he doesn't know about it, doesn't dare to guess my feelings but no matter if the sun is shining or the stars have invaded the sky, I know I love him and will always do. Our existence has imposed some rules and we need time to adapt ourselves before the fact we're more than a couple of kisses and old promises. So in the meantime we just break apart as soon as our intimacy is stolen by someone and under the silence of our furtive gazes we only think about the moment we will find again our smiles. We're not lying, Jack. It's not a betrayal, Grace. It's just a bit awkward, unsure and confused. Complication is taking possession of our minds as love is spreading its nets over our hearts.

Karen looked down at her desk, absent-mindedly following the grooves of the wood and the prints left by the paint. It owned a certain singularity that she had got to know over the years; and appreciate too. Timidly her eyes caught Grace's dress and the movements of the clothes under her friend's gestures. It was elegant and bewitching; hypnotizing. One day she would tell her everything. She would forget about her fears and very calmly she would simply say that she loved Will. But none of them was ready; nor Grace, nor Karen. Perhaps she shouldn't wait though the words didn't manage yet to come to her lips.

Her fingertips brushed her ear but only met up with her skin. The millionaire frowned, turning around to face Will.

"I lost my earring."

It was just another night plunged into the whisper of their sweet caresses when both lovers had to stay quiet because the walls were thin and anybody could have rushed in the flat; or simply Grace, sleeping in the room next door. It was their odd routine; the rustling of the sheets against their naked bodies and the inevitable moment of the separation after a last embrace as if reality were hitting them back all of a sudden, sweeping away the warmness of their emotions.

Sat up in bed the dark-haired woman began to rummage around to retrieve the lost item but a few minutes resulted enough to come to the conclusion her white gold jewel was nowhere to be seen under the pale shades of the lamps in the darkness of some night. She sighed and looked aside at the attorney as his lips made contact with her bare shoulder; his hand sliding on her waist in a tempting motion. Succumbing slowly to his kisses Karen cleared her voice, swallowing hard, before getting up and putting on her clothes. It was when she could feel his gaze on her back as he was contemplating in silence the routine of her gestures; the way she hooked her bra or zip her skirt. It was intimidating to be observed like that though she loved it a lot; like the kiss she used to give him before vanishing in the darkness of the flat; the deserted streets of New York City.

A part of Will was running in her veins on a permanent base as she fed herself with their kisses; the heat of his hand on her skin. She closed her eyes, leaning backwards against his chest as the wind was passing through her hair and the ice was sliding smoothly under her feet. Speeding up their pace they turned around and kept on skating through the crowd; his hands on her waist. The sky was blue and the snow had covered up the tall buildings; Christmas was coming slowly and the honesty of Will's embrace took her away in a delicious state of lightness; her smile vanishing into a laugh coming from the depths of her soul.

Wincing at her date Grace finally leaned over, observing the ice-rink of The Rockfeller Center below, lit up by the tinsels of the Christmas tree. A lot of couples were skating hand in hand; defying the monotony of their lives through the intensity of their love. The red-haired woman would have given a lot to look like them; to feel the same. Her eyes caught a well-known figure and she couldn't help but smile, amused and surprised by the coincidence. Naturally she kept on observing the perfection of her movements; the path she was tracing on the ice but all of a sudden Grace gasped as Karen stopped, grabbing some guy's arm. Will turned around and kissed the millionaire; sweetly, with care and intimacy. Grace stayed still for a couple of seconds, unable to move, slightly breathe. She finally left the place, a bit high; some snow falling over her heart.

Growling in annoyance Grace entered Will's bedroom and headed straight to his bed; grabbing his sheets in a fit of rage just to show to nobody in particular how she hated being in charge of the laundry even though most of the times she simply forgot about it. In the silence of her frustration a stifled sound came to her ear; a small piece of metal hitting the hardwood floor. She dropped out the sheets on the mattress and squatted down, picking up the item. She narrowed her eyes before the jewel and it didn't take her long to make the connection; her head looking blankly at the bed, concentrating back on the earring. It belonged to Karen. She knew about it because she had always loved the delicacy of it and the very fine ruby resting in the center. It was a present from Stanley; her favorite one as a matter of fact.

Something was going wrong there and in her heart. Feeling dizzy she simply sat down on the edge of the mattress, caressing the earring while looking blankly at the building opposite the street. After several hours of indecision Grace had decided to put aside the scene she had witnessed near the ice-rink. After all she knew that Karen and Will were closer than what they pretended. And she had been reassured to be completely honest while thinking it was just their odd friendship. The door got slammed and she jumped, grabbing back the sheets and leaving the room within a second. She smiled at Will but didn't say a word. How could a friendship justify the presence of Karen's earring in the middle of the attorney's bed?

"I think Will is dating someone."

The dark-haired woman looked up, surprised by her friend's unexpected statement. The afternoon had taken them away into a comfortable and dizzy routine; a silent one. Grace was working on some sketches while Karen was reading one of her magazines. The millionaire didn't say a word, just stared at her friend's back. Grace went on.  
"I think it's a woman."

She didn't sound resigned or angry but lifeless and blank. Karen swallowed hard, the heat of her mug burning her hand suddenly. Grace turned around and locked her eyes with the millionaire's hazel ones.

"I think it's you, Karen."


	6. It's time to face reality

**_I am ready for love_**  
**_All of the joy and the pain_**

****  
Life is unexpected or too evident to be clear and reassuring. We let a soft routine rock us peacefully until the sharp shapes of its angles hit us with violence. And we're disarmed, breathing loudly; crying in silence. Grace stood up, walking with awkwardness to Karen; almost as embarrassed as her friend. With a shaking hand she put down on the oak desk the white gold earring; then shrugged.

"I guess it's yours. I found it in Will's bed, by accident as I was switching the sheets. I know how you love it; as much as I do."

Her hazel eyes caught the bright light of the precious metal but she was too taken aback to articulate the slightest word. Her lips were moving in silence in a subtle motion and she would have loved to speak; to look up and face her friend though she just couldn't. Karen was too scared or just unable to react properly. She assumed everything and would always do but it wasn't supposed to happen like that in the middle of some monotone and peaceful afternoon; a week before Christmas.

Still staring blankly at the jewel the millionaire finally came to speak; her voice piercing the heavy silence into a whisper of apologies for not knowing what to say; for Will and her.

"I'm sorry."

"No… Don't. You don't have to be sorry."

Grace was extremely calm, strangely too much. The dark-haired woman frowned, plunging her gaze into her friend's; confused by her reaction.

"Obviously I should be the one apologizing now. Friends aren't supposed to have these kind of secrets unless something bothers them; a sentiment of fear, a lack of trust or whatever. I must have failed somewhere. I… I have to go. I need… I have to go."

Looking confused and overwhelmed the designer grabbed her bag and left the place under Karen's silence; lost in the middle of her icy despair.

His brown eyes caressed her hazel ones as her last words faded away slowly in the unexpected and uncomfortable twist of their life. Breaking apart the tension of such a gaze Karen looked aside, staring blankly at the table next to them; empty and cold, impersonal like those millions of coffee places that literally invaded New York. A baby cried in the background, getting mixed with the old tune of a scratching radio.

She had told him everything; from the slow tone of Grace's voice to her own sentiment of loss, her lack of reaction. At the same time it hadn't lasted very long but still. Something had changed now. His hand slid along her nape; she looked up at him and leaned over to capture his lips but the kiss only tasted of the salt of her tears.

"Why didn't you tell me about it?"

Jack's blue eyes seemed soft but hurt somehow; it broke Karen's heart. The millionaire shrugged then looked aside.

"It's no easy. We didn't want to disappoint you. I don't know; it's so confusing. We hadn't planned anything. I'm sorry."

"Are you happy?"

She looked up and locked her eyes with his, nodding in silence, smiling shyly.

"Then you have no reason to apologize, Karen. You two should have been enjoying your relationship in public without any fear, any obstacle especially coming from a friend. It's not fair for you because as a matter of fact, we're speaking about your own happiness."

The night was falling softly over New York, wrapping the sky into a dark blue; lit up by some stars. The flames were dancing in the fireplace of the flat, their smell impregnating the walls, the furniture while their subtle noise, some wood cracking, contrasted warmly with the silence of Karen's guilt. Sat down on the floor the millionaire was looking blankly at her hands. This morning they had touched Will; pressed his skin and caressed him softly but they were so cold now, and alone. Jack was still next to her on the couch though for the very first time both friends were finding themselves in the incapacity of speaking; talking lightly about anything. And it weighed so much all of a sudden.  
The door flew open as Grace came in. The dark-haired woman stood up in spite of her uncontrollable shaking. She swallowed hard, unable to move; waiting for her friend's reaction. With awkwardness but sincerity the interior designer came closer to her; hugging her tightly. She passed a hand through the millionaire's hair, smiling as she broke apart. Her eyes were wet, obviously she had been crying for quite a while.

"He told me he loved you. He's in love with you. Do you love him too? I need to know, Karen. I need to know if it's just a fling for you. Will is way too important for me. I don't want him to get hurt; nor you."

"Where is he?"

"He's at the deli, buying some things. So do you love him?"

Karen took a deep breath and was about to answer when his figure appeared on the doorframe. She made her way to him, frowning under the confession he had made to Grace; about his own feelings. She passed her tongue over her lips as her voice got lost in a murmur of anxiety and excitement like when we're only expecting one thing and it's finally happening.

"Tell it to me. Tell it to me, Will."

The words had never come to their lips; not yet. Of course she would have loved hearing them though their hearts weren't ready and so they didn't dare. His brown eyes scanned the room behind her, looking for some courage; then he shrugged, smiling shyly.

"I love you, Karen."

Her heart seemed to have exploded all of a sudden unless it was just her tears or the cuteness of such moment. She bit her lower lip, rolling her eyes; giggling for not just bursting into tears. Lost in the purity of his gaze Karen simply forgot about the rest; the fact Grace and Jack were there and the disconcerting way the events had turned a bit earlier. She didn't care at all. It was just about him and the seriousness of his feelings. She smiled against his lips as she passed her arms around his neck; his fingers sliding along her waist. Closing their eyes they shared the kiss that was settling down their relationship.

It was a new beginning.

Breaking apart she looked up at him, shyness taking possession of her gestures.

"I love you too, Will."


	7. The best that I can

**_I will learn what you teach_**  
**_And do the best that I can_**

****  
The evening had been awkward but unforgettable for Karen's heart. The sudden and unexpected confession of his feelings had stirred up a whole wave of dreams and hopes in the millionaire's soul though Grace and Jack's presence had slowed down their gestures while imposing a veil of shyness above their relationship. Her hand had barely touched his and if they hadn't kissed their gazes had been enough to tell everything; from the sincerity of their hearts to the sweetness of their silence, a bit embarrassed. For the very first time the attorney had spent the night there without any false excuse; a bright smile lighting up his face, a note of relief for knowing they could be, at last. She had simply looked at him with some apprehension when the door had got closed behind their friends and they had found themselves alone. The evidence of their status was taking another dimension, another path and as much as it sounded right, Karen couldn't help but feel a bit disarmed, impressed.

They stepped out in the street in silence, not knowing what to say or how to say it. Their steps were fast, reflecting the awkwardness of the situation and the past events that had imposed a singular rhythm to their lives. The dark-haired woman cleared her voice as they turned on Amsterdam Avenue, heading down to Columbus Circle. She passed her tongue over her lips in the coldness of the afternoon; her fingers twisting nervously in the pockets of her coat. Her hazel ones brushed her friend's face furtively.

"Do you know what you want to buy for him? To be honest I have no idea myself."

Grace shrugged and smiled, surprised by her own thoughts.

"You can still buy some lingerie at Agent Provocateur."

Her cheeks blushed all of a sudden and Karen giggled. She would have never thought that Grace could get so much boldness and take the first step towards their new situation.  
It was December 23rd and as they arrived in mid-town, the streets were deliciously crowded with tourists and New Yorkers running after their last purchases for Christmas Eve. Carols could be heard everywhere, getting mixed with the invigorating air, the blueness of the sky and the bewitching brouhaha of people laughing and smiling brightly under the red decorations of the window stores. Grace had called her in the morning to suggest an afternoon of shopping because she still hadn't found Will's present and it was better when you had some company. Karen had accepted with an ounce of apprehension though because since the day it all had changed, both women hadn't had enough time to share and she wasn't sure the fluidity of their previous friendship would still be there.

The millionaire closed her eyes for a couple of seconds just to keep in mind the subtle charms of the city; its smells and cacophony. She bit into her hot dog and couldn't restrain a smile. That was just perfect. Food in hand both women turned on 57th, walking slowly to Fifth Avenue.

"I'm sorry if I made you cry."

She hadn't planned to say that. It had come out by itself; a sort of quiet urge from her heart. She kept on looking straight in front of her, avoiding Grace's reaction.

"It's not your fault at all. I'm just sad that you didn't dare to tell me about it. I understand your fears though, I really do. Of course it's weird for me but… There's something really cute about it too. I care a lot about you, Karen. I always will."

The red-haired woman sighed before stopping in the middle of the street. Karen frowned, confused about her friend's sudden reaction.

"I have a question though. If you don't mind of course…"

The millionaire seemed to be taken aback by Grace's embarrassment. The interior designer was looking aside, staring blankly at a row of yellow cabs trapped into the traffic.

"What is it?"

Taking a deep breath she locked her eyes with Karen's ones, then took a deep breath.

"How did you fall for him? How did it happen? When did you realize that it wasn't just a fling?"

The information slowly made its way to her brain where her cells began to work for a connection to her heart; pushing aside her unexpected shyness. She shrugged.

"I'm not sure. I may have always had a thing for him. Well… I mean I always found him attractive. Who wouldn't? But… I don't know why I kissed him all of a sudden in the middle of the street. But it seemed so right, then."

Her hazel eyes were glimmering under the reminiscence of her European feelings; a smile playing on her lips as the words were sliding softly from her heart to her mouth.

"It's like your happiness is invading your soul for having found the right person though you can't help but feel anxious and dread the fact you could lose this embrace. And you wouldn't be able to keep on breathing without him; as if while sharing a kiss you would have set off some unknown machine in your body that would prevent you then from being able to live on your own. Do you see what I mean?"

Grace shook her head; Karen smiled softly, almost apologizing.

"You will get that too one day and then you will know that it's not about luck but logic; or fate, that sounds more romantic."

"Are you scared?"

The dark-haired woman raised her eyebrows; rolling her eyes.

"Oh yes I am. I'm so afraid I could lose him and never get back the heat of his arms and the sensation I'm cared about. That's also why I try to enjoy it at the most."  
Grace stayed still and silent for a couple of seconds, fixing Karen as if she was trying to get into her mind, her heart; then find her soul. She finally broke apart such an intense gaze and started walking again, slowly. She took a sip of coffee before nodding to her own wonders; her own decisions.

"I wish you two the best."


	8. Settling down in our lives

**_I'm ready for love, here with an offering of_**  
**_My voice, my eyes, my soul, my mind_**

****  
Her voice came from the depths of the duvet, lost in the warmness of the bed; a simple laugh as Will kissed her ear, his hands sliding along her naked waist. She loved the tenderness of their mornings when they weren't in a hurry and could enjoy at the most each other's presence without the slightest restraint. As a matter of fact, it was a moment Karen always tended to privilege in any of her relationships but it was also the very first time it sounded so important and beautiful; vital. Her face mere inches away from his, the millionaire locked her hazel eyes with his brown ones, smiling brightly. The semi-darkness of the sheets over their heads and the heat of the sun hitting against the white cotton fabric reminded her of summer vacations she used to spend in Maine with her cousin when she wasn't even twelve.

His name was Billy and he was two-years older than the brunette. They never saw each other but in August when the high temperatures kept the adults inside and they could spend unforgettable nights in a tent set in the backyard of her aunt's house. Like the most traditional scheme she had fallen for his blue eyes and the fact he was a guy, a real one. When the moon was shining high in the sky both cousins used to plunge into some terrifying stories and for the pleasure to get scared before finding themselves into each other's arms, they made up zombie tales with an excitement typical from their age. Sometimes they were so close that she could feel his breath on her lips. She would have died for a kiss, just one.  
Her fingers caressed Will's head then came to rest on his nape. Things hadn't changed a lot since the summers in Maine and the dark-haired woman still loved the presence of a guy next to her in bed; hidden by a thick duvet. It was all more or less the same except that this time she was naked and her foot was resting on her boyfriend's ankle. They had stopped going to Maine one year, for some mysterious reason and she hadn't seen Billy again; just learned later that he had died in a car wreck somewhere in Montana. He was twenty-five.  
The attorney frowned before Karen's persisting smile; confused by its extreme brightness.

"What are you thinking about?"

She shook her head then bit her lower lip.

"You look a lot like Billy, this morning. But we're not in Maine, I'm not about to turn eleven and most of all this is far from being the summer. I'm sure it's snowing; for Christmas. It has to carry on some magic."

Will didn't say a word, didn't ask who Billy was. He simply took the millionaire in his arms and came back to her ear as he passed on top of her; her laugh sounded loud and light.  
Still half-asleep Grace emerged from one of the other rooms, heading downstairs but a stifled sound coming from Karen's bedroom made her stop and frown. Her fingers slid along the open door and she vaguely poked her head inside, seeing nothing but an arm escaping from the depths of the duvet; resting on a pillow as two forms were vaguely moving under the sheets. Within a second the interior designer made her way as far as she could; taking her revenge for not having a boyfriend over pancakes, mumbling in front of the cheesy programs that aired on Christmas time.

The expensive liquid got sprayed on her neck in a subtle fresh wave as the fragrance went straight to her head. Perfume represented a delicate and singular last touch; a gesture of perfection that could make the difference. Narrowing her eyes in front of her reflection, Karen leaned over, concentrating on her lipstick as she applied it carefully. A delicious smell of turkey had invaded her flat for a couple of hours now and as Will was preparing the meal for Christmas Eve. The four friends had been taken away into the whirl of secrecy that wrapped up the previous hours of the festivities; everyone going about their own business, looking for a present, thinking about the ones they would get. Standing up the dark-haired woman studied one more time her reflection as Grace entered the bedroom, leaning on the doorframe.

"You're gorgeous. This dress suits you so well. I'm getting jealous, you know."

She had brought the piece of clothing this exact morning; a dark velvet ankle-length one with an empire waist. The deep color of the fabric contrasted with the paleness of her skin, highlighting the impression of fragility that her frame showed naturally. She simply looked divine; her hair hanging loosely around her face in sweet and studied curls.

The diner went smoothly under the delicate candle lights the four friends had chosen to substitute the usual lamps, too bright, of Karen's living room. They were looking for an intimate atmosphere; a warm feeling to love and share in front of the fireplace. It had to be a traditional Christmas Eve. Their laughs succeeded their smiles and the lightness of their hearts; her hand over Will's one, her fingers caressing his palm softly. It was a discreet gesture, almost imperceptible, though it was reassuring; so much more than all the rest.

"So this is for you, Kare."

Sat down on the hardwood floor she looked at the present Will was tending her. The bells of some church had just stuck midnight and they were now unwrapping the numerous multicolored packets resting under the tree. Karen grabbed the dark green square form that the attorney was holding, staring at nothing but his brown gaze; so calm and pure before the flames of the fireplace.

They had already opened a certain amount of them but logically both lovers had kept their own ones for the end. Very slowly but with a hint of nervousness Karen's fingers slid along the paper and finally revealed Will's present for her. The frame was made of an old wood as the picture had been taken out there, in London. She couldn't help but smile as she recognized the phone box and the covered alley of Notting hill. She looked at the back of the frame then gasped.

"It comes from Alice's… How did you get it?"

The attorney shrugged before Grace and Jack's obvious confusion. They didn't understand any of their friends' references. The red-haired woman looked at Karen.

"Who is Alice?"

"Oh… Alice is a store on Portobello Road; a so romantic second-hand mess, very famous."

Jack grabbed the frame, observing with attention the picture.

"This alley is famous too?"

The dark-haired woman blushed, shrugging; looking aside, a furtive gaze to Will.

"It's Victoria Gardens. It's not really famous but… It's very personal, it means a lot to me. The phone box you can see in the background is… It's on Ladbroke road and the covered alley is where… Well… It's where it all started."

She pointed at Will shyly before leaning over to kiss his lips.

"I love it, honey. Thank you very much. I will take care of it."

They made love under the first hours of the morning when the body is tired, half-asleep but so sweet and warm. It was all about kisses, soft caresses; a palm sliding along a spine as they were holding each other very tight. She succumbed to her dreams in his arms, her back against his chest as, turned on her side, the last vision she got before her closing her eyes was the picture of London and the unique feelings of her heart.


	9. When the ghosts come back

**_To a man who loves music, a man who loves art_**  
**_Respects the spirit world and thinks with his heart_**

****  
The red and thick curtains seemed to match to perfection with the darkness of the place; its luxurious details from the refined wood of the walls to the smell of cigar escaping from some private room. She looked up and got blinded by the immense chandelier above her head while we could admire the skylines of New York by the French window of the terrace. The service was irreproachable and the quietness more than enjoyable. She used to go there with Stanley before everything turning into a bitter nightmare; their marriage failing without any warning. If she had had to name a place in order to define her relationship with Will, she would have chosen something more intimate, more casual. She didn't need any artifice while being with him; it was all logical and intuitive. But a snow storm had invaded New York within a minute and they both had got trapped into the whirl of the flakes falling with strength from the sky.

Smiling at Will the millionaire took his hand, caressing it softly over the table of some intimate corner of the bar; looking at nothing but him. Within two days now they would pass into another year, a new one with different perspectives and a whole series of dreams; together. Karen blushed as the word brushed her mind. She loved its sound, the purity of its image and the extreme quietness it seemed to spread over her heart. She leaned over and passed her fingers through his hair, sweeping away a rest of snow flake that was turning into a subtle drop of water under the heat of The Gramercy Park Hotel. The dark-haired woman took advantage of her sudden closeness to Will to capture his lips in a tender kiss before settling back into her seat.

"I love you, honey."

"Then marry me."

Karen jumped; surprised by the unexpected reply not coming from Will but someone on her back; a voice she knew by heart. She turned around and smirked before hugging tightly a man in his forties; tall with green eyes. She let go of Will's hand though the attorney tightened it instinctively causing her a furtive gaze of incomprehension over their still intertwined fingers; then got released, finally. The attorney's brown eyes stared at nothing but the way Karen's fingers were sliding along the stranger's forearm as she was smiling brightly at him; the kind of implicit details that only lovers can share. The dark-haired woman finally looked back at Will after long and troubling seconds of complete ignorance.

"Will, this is Matthew. He's… He's an old friend of mine, from Harvard."

Swallowing back his jealousy Will smiled politely and shook the man's hand, a cold smile appearing on his lips.

"It's always a pleasure to meet Karen's old… Companions."

The millionaire grabbed Matthew's shoulder, her face mere inches away from his.

"Will is a lawyer too! He made his classes in Columbia."

Matthew's green eyes got locked with the attorney's brown gaze, an unreadable expression on his face.

"Well it looks like Karen has something for attorneys. We can't blame her though, can we?"

He left, at the same time as his phone number stayed on the table next to Karen's Irish coffee; way too much in evidence if you had asked Will. He didn't say a word about it though. Why would he get so mad for a series of numbers written down on a sheet of paper?

Heading outside of the palace, the dark-haired woman grabbed his hand tightly, making him cross the street quickly; almost running. Arrived on the opposite sidewalk she stopped and smiled at him.

"Now close your eyes, Will."

The attorney would have never imagined that Karen could be so sweet and attentive, playful like a teenager before her relationships though he was delighted by her singular behavior and so he obeyed, giggling; bewitched. Her palm was warm and soft against his; reassuring. They made a few steps forwards but enough to let him think they hadn't left the place. A stifled metallic sound came to his ears but it was too furtive so that he really concentrated on it. A few steps more and Karen's hand slid to his waist, moulding his body quietly. Will couldn't help but shiver as her breath embraced his ear in a sensual murmur.

"Open them now."

Will did then gasped, looking all around him before locking his eyes with the millionaire's, a smile playing on his lips.

"Why would I be surprised you own a key to the park?"

"Honey I own the city."

"Then take my heart with it."

Karen smiled in his mouth as they both got lost in a kiss; so intimate in the middle of the turmoil of New York, alone in the quietness of the private park that only people living in the buildings around could access.

There were two minutes left before the fireworks lighting up the night and the brouhaha of Times Square making its way to them in The Upper West Side at Karen's. The party was intimate and the millionaire was already in Will's arms to celebrate the New Year when someone knocked on the door. Blessing this moment Grace stood up, escaping from the embrace of some boring date and made her way to the door; then turned around to call Karen through the small crowd of guests.

"Karen, it's for you!"

Frowning, the dark-haired woman abandoned reluctantly the attorney's arms and headed to the door. She couldn't help but freeze, astonished; murmuring.

"Olivia…? What are you doing here?"

The music and the laughs were loud in the background, contrasting with the silence between both women. The teenager shrugged, looking aside; then plunged her eyes into Karen's ones.

"I'm pregnant."

"Happy new year!"

Karen jumped under the sudden explosion of joy behind her; facing nothing but the despair of Stanley's daughter on New Year's Eve. She stared at her in disbelief, scanning the information she had just been given until a pair of arms grabbed her waist and made her turn around; her lips captured by Will's ones with a light sentiment.  
He broke apart and smiled brightly at her.

"I love you, Kare."

The millionaire didn't say a word, vaguely unaware of the fact her mouth was wide open; she felt high. Her gaze went from Will to Olivia before coming back to him. It looked like she had got sidetracked.


	10. A matter of responsability

**_I am ready for love_**

**_Would you please lend me your ear?_**

It all got mixed in her head; her feelings, her wonders, the image of Olivia standing on the doorframe and the sweetness of Will's gestures as his hands were caressing her body on a warm morning. Karen captured the attorney's lips to kiss him deeply, laying down on the couch of the living room. She hadn't been shocked but troubled by the unexpected statement from Stanley's daughter. These things could happen anywhere, at any time but you only realized it once it hit your so calm existence; too perfect perhaps. They had gone upstairs and talked for hours; for the very first time, somehow. They had never been closed, never shared anything but The Upper East Side penthouse and, while sat on the floor of her bedroom, listening to Olivia, the millionaire hadn't stopped wondering why the teenager had come to her flat.

The dark-haired woman had finally closed the door with the promise to keep in touch but with this old sentiment it wouldn't happen; it was just about being polite, nothing to do with an eventual act of sincerity and they both knew about it. She would have loved being able to reassure Stanley's daughter, telling her that everything would be alright though the words had stayed trapped somewhere between her heart and her lips; leaving her frozen, silent. She had hugged her with awkwardness, a whirl of anger running through her veins for being so stupid then let her go away; lonely and scared before her uncertain future.

Very slowly Will's hands passed underneath her nightgown, taking it off through a long and exciting caress that made her swallow hard; her breath getting louder. Her legs wrapped his waist as she pulled his face up to hers, kissing him hungrily as they rolled on their side before sliding on the floor; succumbing to their desires. His sigh got mixed with Karen's growling in annoyance as her cell phone rang all of a sudden, breaking the spell of the moment though the temptation was too strong and she kept on planting kisses all along the attorney's jaw; the dialing tone vanishing in the quietness of the flat. She would have never answered and set off the whole machine if her eyes hadn't got by accident the ID on the small screen but it's how life is; depending on a series of events that nobody controls, it just has to happen. Within a second Karen grabbed the phone, sitting up on Will.

"I'm here!"

Locking her eyes with his, the millionaire passed her tongue over her lips, trying to catch back her breath; nodding in silence to the person who was speaking. Will's fingers began to caress her thighs playfully but her own hand got intertwined with his, motioning him to stop; apologizing through a shy smile, tightening his hand sweetly. Obviously she couldn't handle both activities at the same time which led Will to frown, vaguely worried.

Karen pushed the door of The Starbucks and headed straight to the counter. Her cappuccino in hands she turned around and scanned the room quickly; looking for the best place to sit down and wait. She finally made her choice on a square oak table far from the windows overlooking Amsterdam Avenue. They would need peace and intimacy; not the turmoil of some New York routine. She took a sip of the hot beverage, frowning as the liquid burnt her tongue for a couple of seconds; then put it down before focalizing on the way the events were turning. The call had considerably frozen her moment with Will and they had simply spoken about it. Sat down on him the millionaire had listened to the attorney's advices, weighing his point of view and hers; still naked as his fingers were caressing absent-mindedly her spine, going up and down slowly. They hadn't come to any conclusion, not yet. If only they had a role to play in this story.

"Hi."

The dark-haired woman jumped, coming back to reality all of a sudden as a timid voice had made its way to her. She smiled as reassuringly as she could though deep inside herself her heart was beating loud, worried; anxious. Olivia sat down, looking aside obviously embarrassed. As an uncomfortable silence seemed to take possession of both women, Karen cleared her voice, playing subconsciously with the pack of brown sugar someone had left.

"So I'm here."

She bit the inside of her mouth under such ridiculous sentence, then shook her head; apologizing.

"What did your mother say?"

"She wants me to keep it."

The millionaire couldn't help but raise her eyebrows, surprised by Cathy's reaction. She hadn't seen her a lot in her life though she would have never imagined that Stanley's ex-wife would say that. Staring at a little girl eating a muffin a few steps away Karen nodded slowly.

"Good…"

"But I don't want to."

For the very first time Karen locked her hazel eyes with Olivia's, unsure of the reply she was supposed to give her. She shrugged, moving nervously on her chair; her high heel caressing her left ankle.

"Then if it's your choice…"

"I'm a minor though and I need an authorization. My mother won't give it to me and my father is dead so… You're still my step-mother."

The dark-haired woman literally choked on her coffee, coughing loudly under the implicit favor she had just been asked. Looking instinctively for help all around she simply avoided Olivia's pleading eyes; her lips moving in silence.

"But if your mother is still alive I can't… And… And…"

"You're against abortion too."

"No, I'm not!"

This time she had replied quickly, without the slightest hesitation; almost angrily.

"I'm certainly not against abortion, don't say that. It's extremely unfair and… You don't even know me; you don't know anything about me so you can't judge me like that; especially about this topic."

She hadn't meant to sound harsh though a part of her had been hurt unless it was just a couple of old emotions stirred up all of a sudden.

"Then why don't you want to help me?"

"It not that I don't want to but… I don't know... It's quite a responsibility and I'm not sure I can…"

"You just have to sign the paper. Karen, look at me!"

The dark-haired woman made a face, vaguely looking at the teenager.

"In four weeks it will be too late. I'm seventeen years old; I'm way too young to become a mother."

"I know you are though why you're not on the pill? Or use condoms, damn!"

Olivia blushed, looking down at the table; obviously taken aback. She finally locked back her eyes with Karen's ones as silent tears were running on her cheeks. She simply shrugged; the weakness of the furtive movement reflecting the immensity of her fears and you couldn't help but think that she was only a child, just a child.

"We all make mistakes, don't we?"

Karen didn't reply, just nodded while raising her eyebrows; then sighed. Stanley's daughter took off her backpack the official paper and made it slide on the table.

"You just have to sign and be there…"

"I know how it works."

The dark-haired woman grabbed the sheet of paper, staring blankly at it; her thumb moving in rhythm over it subconsciously.

"Give me a week, Olivia. I need to think about it."

A weight vanished all of a sudden as she saw Will turning at the corner of the street. Unable to wait any longer Karen rushed into his arms completely unaware of the odd looks she was receiving from the rest of the crowd. She grabbed his neck tightly, closing her eyes to enjoy at the most the reassuring presence of his body against hers; his smell and warmness. The attorney stayed silent, respecting the millionaire's sudden need. Obviously her meeting with Olivia hadn't had been easy.

She finally broke apart but plunged her hazel gaze in his almost immediately. Still lost in his embrace Karen took a deep breath, frowning.

"I have to confess you something."


	11. Her name was Esperanza

**_Tell me what is enough_**

**_To prove I am ready for love_**

Time hadn't got suspended, the world had kept on turning but Karen had frozen all of a sudden; carrying on the weight of her last sentence with difficulty. It looked like the past had caught her up without any warning; a whole series of events she had thought forgotten or at least put aside because we had to go on, just that. Will nodded in silence to the millionaire's request a bit confused but nonetheless curious; vaguely scared. Obviously something was bothering her, deepening her usual light features. She seemed to be worried.

The snow began to fall over their heads in the darkness of the end of the day and both lovers headed quietly to some coffee place; avoiding each other's gaze, the slightest conversation. It would have sounded artificial, too much; fake. For a couple of seconds the dark-haired woman stared at the attorney, trying to scan his thoughts unless it was all about hers. Leaned on her elbow over some table she let the smell of hot chocolate go to her head though very soon it made her feel dizzy so taking a deep breath she looked aside; biting her lower lip.

"Olivia wants to abort though her mother refuses it so as her step-mother, she asked me to sign the authorization and I'm going to do it. I said I needed a week to think about it though my opinion had been settled down even before her asking. I just let her some time, just in case; because it's not easy."

Playing absent-mindedly with the white mug Karen's hazel eyes darkened all of a sudden, fixing nothing in particular but the invisibility of the air through which some memories seemed to appear so clearly.

"Her name was Esperanza. It means hope in Spanish. I'm afraid it was a pure irony… She had beautiful and very long hair; big green eyes and a bright smile. She was soft and funny, smart. I remember we were laughing all the time and we used to get on well so much. It was just perfection to me after all these years spent travelling through the country. We were seventeen years old, happy and full of dreams but it all tipped over. She got pregnant; by accident of course. She was planning to attend Yale and she would have succeeded with honors and all but her parents refused the abortion. There's an old bridge in town and the train passes under it. She jumped off of it and died. She had preferred to kill herself for not having any right on her body and I found it so disgusting; unfair. From then on I started defending abortion, taking part in strikes and different events. I've never been against it but I used to have a passive behavior in front of it; like a lot of people. But Esperanza's story changed everything. I didn't give up the fight in college and even became the representative of the students but… You know when I told you I hadn't graduated and chosen to leave instead? Well actually I've been asked to; because of the abortion campaigns."

Shrugging shyly under the end of her story Karen took a sip of chocolate, waiting with confusion Will's reaction. She didn't ask him anything; she had just felt the urge to share it with him. After a short moment of indecision unless it was just about realization, the attorney leaned over and kissed her lips softly, smiling as he broke apart and locked his eyes with hers.

"I'm proud of you, Karen. I'm really proud."

His fingers got intertwined with hers and they headed to another conversation because there wasn't anything left to say about it. It was all clear for both of them.

Olivia giggled nervously as she caressed a teddy bear, causing its head vaguely move on its side. Then all of a sudden she looked up at Karen, frowning, almost apologizing.

"You know I like babies. I like children. It's just… I'm just not ready for it."

The millionaire smiled softly, pushing away from her face a strand of hair; then nodded.

"I know. You're not a monster, honey. Don't be worried, you're just a lovely girl; a nice one."

The teenager sighed, turning her face towards the window of the clinic; waiting patiently for her turn. The sky was blue but the glimmering snow recovering the streets emphasized the coldness of the day. The winter in New York was always an icy pleasure.

"And maybe if you agree I will spend some time with your own baby. I mean the one you will have with Will. You didn't look so happy with dad so I assume you found the right one. He's sweet. I'm sure you will have a beautiful family."

The nurse came in and Olivia went away, leaving behind an overwhelmed Karen. For some mysterious reason the dark-haired woman hadn't thought about this aspect of her relationship. It was implicitly serious but none of them had come up with such subject yet. It hadn't even crossed her mind until now but Stanley's daughter's statement had sent an odd message to her brain and it was all so confused.

Later that night Karen sat down on the edge of her mattress, facing an old mirror she had bought the day before in Chinatown; the deep red of the frame contrasting in a subtle way with the pale colors of the bedroom. Quietly her eyes observed her face, her neck; her chest, her legs. And something sounded wrong in the darkness of the night as if she were looking at herself for the very first time; realizing after so many years that she was actually a part of a body, her own one. Frowning she passed a hand over her stomach; loud wonders getting lost in her brain, reaching her heart. She slightly jumped, surprised, as Will came in but she didn't turn around; just looked down as the moonlight was caressing the pale figure of her back and her profile.

The attorney sat down next to her, passing his arms on her shoulders.

"Are you okay?"

The dark-haired woman nodded still lost in the depths of her heart.

"I just wonder why I'm alive."


	12. Breaking down the routine

**_I am ready for love_**

**_Why are you hiding from me?_**

She had begun to look at it with a blank gaze as if her heart were completely detached of the pictures and the whole series of smiles that lit up every single page of the magazine. Perhaps she was still a bit troubled by the odd reason that had pushed her to this impulsive purchase. It didn't match with the scene, her life; her own persona. She stopped subconsciously on a pair of green eyes; a little girl wearing a bright red cotton dress. She passed her tongue over her lips, lost in her thoughts as her fingers followed slowly the figure of the child. She was cute and vaguely reminded her of herself once upon a time when she lived in Nevada. A noise coming from the stairs behind made the millionaire jump and within a second the parental publication had been substituted by a fashion one as Grace came in the office; back from her lunch with Will. Karen smiled silently before plunging into the reading of some superficial article but as much as she usually liked those superficial productions, the spell didn't work out this time. It was all about children for now.

She closed her eyes to enjoy at the most the feelings; the touch of the comb passing through her hair, the heat of the water and Will's breath on her neck. The palm of her hand slid along the tub and she vaguely moved her head, staring dreamingly at the wall in front of her as the attorney was taking care of her hair, sat behind. From time to time they used to share a bath in the middle of the week; halfway between the rush of work and the peace of the weekend when they could at last take their time and live their lives.

"Do you have some news from Olivia?"

The dark-haired woman nodded, sighing peacefully.

'She's applying for college. She has made her choice on Berkeley; I hope she will get it."

Putting down the comb Will kissed her hair and she settled against his chest, her right foot playing with the soap of the bath and the funny, light sensation it let on her skin; like some soft caresses. Leaning her head on his shoulder Karen locked her hazel eyes with his, smiling shyly.

"Happy anniversary, Will."

The attorney frowned, completely taken aback. The millionaire laughed and rolled her eyes.

"Three months ago I kind of rushed on you like a junkie on her line."

"And what are the effects now"

"It looks like I'm addicted too."

Karen pouted in front of a dozen of different models, trying to find out the slightest detail that would reduce the final decision she would take but there was nothing less easy. It looked like Manolo Blahnick had simply reached the required perfection to please her expensive whims. A furtive gaze towards Jack and the millionaire sighed. Her friend was already off to the cosmetic department; one more time she would have to make a choice on her own. Why did she persist and always suggest Jack a shopping afternoon when obviously it would be all about him. With the most common gesture she grabbed a pair of Sederaby and slid her feet in them; the leather embracing her skin with grace and delicacy.

"They're gorgeous."

"Of course they are, Jackie. So you're back?"

"Yes I am… There's nothing interesting today; only women. So you're looking for black shoes?"

"I don't know… I like them in purple too. I still could take both."

Karen had based her life on appearances and illusions until now; from penthouse private parties to important social events with Stanley and her previous husbands her existence had always turned around the same fakeness that had vanished all of a sudden while succumbing to Will's embrace. She hadn't missed those evenings at all and plunged with an irrepressible delight into the intimacy of a relationship and the uniqueness of unforgettable moments. There was something about simplicity; perhaps a shade of human touch, real feelings. For her highest surprise though she had felt reluctant at the beginning when the attorney had announced an important evening organized by his firm. She would have preferred so much to stay at home with him and enjoy a couple of hours in the warmness of his arms; the boldness of their kisses. After a few seconds of bitter thoughts she had finally nodded, trying to influence her own heart that it was still better than to be far from him and it was a good excuse, if only she needed one, to go to Barney's and buy new shoes.

Stepping out of the store Karen and Jack headed down Fifth Avenue with their Barney's bags balancing along their hips in a subtle rhythm; bewitching. The winter seemed to be hard this year and through the gray clouds littering the sky the snow was falling softly over the buildings; slowing down the life of the city, stifling its noises. The white trees of Central Park were vanishing in their backs when the dark-haired woman stopped all of a sudden to observe the windows of Tiffany's. Grabbing her friend's hand tightly she made her way to the doors, pushing them in the respectful silence that only a few rare places could receive.

"I want to show you something, Jack."

The shared-setting wind of sapphires and diamonds over platinum slid along her finger with a disconcerting logic; lighting up her pale complexion, making it glimmer through the arrogance of natural grace. It seemed to be made for her. Jack didn't say a word, simply raised his eyebrows; charmed by the jewel. Shrugging, he finally nodded.

"Ask Will to buy it for you."

Karen giggled and blushed under the sweet comment. She took the ring off and smiled while still looking at it. _I may prefer a baby._

She smiled at Will in the reflection of the mirror as he stepped out of the bathroom in the quietness of the night. The routine of her gestures went on peacefully; her mind had already settled down on other things. The blue pill was about to make contact with her lips when something stopped her; put an abrupt end to the movement of her hand. It looked like her brain had completely gone away, her cells decided to cease their work and her hazel eyes were now looking blankly at the contraceptive without the slightest sign of life.

"Karen, are you coming?"

She jumped as Will's voice sounded loud in the background. He was probably waiting for her in bed, wondering why it took her so long all of a sudden. With a pale and weak voice she tried to reassure him and within a second she saw herself letting the pill go down the washbasin, water swallowing it quickly. She turned the lights off and left.

To be continued...


End file.
